If you would had asked me at the age of 21 I would had said “Hell NO! I’M NOT GETTING MARRIED” but at the age of 26 the idea of marriage became more desirable and filled with the same fairly tales we dream of when we are little girls. At the age of 21 I was surrounded by people all around getting divorced, talking about how miserable marriage was and how much they regretted getting married. I was even told not to get married by these divorcees. Of course when you are inlove you don’t listen to any negative advice and you honestly don’t care what other people think because you think your marriage will be different, you think the sex will stay the same, you think you will continue to party and have fun like you have been, and the idea of marriage just sounds like the best thing you can imagine.
The idea of marriage- to be with your best friend forever, through the thick and thin, the good health and bad, the poor times and the wealthy moments in life, enjoying life to the fullest… well the reality is things do change. How can we not change if we change our environment, and grow as human beings? We mature mentally and physically. We adapt to our surroundings, we carry with us some new bad and good memories; We are changing every day in some way. It’s only natural that things will change. Of course some marriages are stronger than others. Some have been best friends and together since high school. And some times the things that brings us closer are the things that at the end pulls us apart. According to the biology of our race and evolution it’s only natural for men to have more than one wife, or at least more than one sexual partner but that doesn’t mean at the same time of course. It definitely explains why and how some couples after being together for so long decide to end their marriage and move on to someone else or something new. We need to face the fact that we are pretty much the same as Apes. The desire of reproduction is inherit in us whether we want it or not. I can go on much deeper into this subject matter but I won’t because this post is about marriage.
I have learned over the years of being in relationships that we have the responsibility to take the role in the departments that are partners fail at. If we sit around waiting for our partners to do what we want them to do, we will be waiting for eternity and making ourselves more miserable. Our expectations need to adjust to the reality of our lives. We can’t expect our marriage to reflect what we see in the movies or on TV. Of course our partners should be courteous and love us enough to listen to us and try their best at doing their part but there are somethings that they will never want to do, or just plain suck at doing. Like bills, opening mail, washing dishes, blah, blah, blah. But they are great at doing other things. We need to focus on how each person is different, what are they good at, and separate the roles of wife and husband according to their assets, not the expectations of domestic life that our culture pressures us to take.
Now once you get the domestic roles set, there are the other shit you have to deal with like trust, communication, and respect. How is that these three things get so fucked up once you are married? I don’t have an answer for that but I do have an answer to how to deal with the torment of self destruction. Like the book titled Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus says we are totally different. And those different things fuck it up! You try to express how you feel, the other doesn’t. Then nothing is said, things get taken the wrong way. Then you are just filled with all negative emotions, therefore creating a life of misery. Now again, why go through the process of marriage if you will eventually have to deal with crap like that? Well the answer is because you love that person and you made a promise. At the end of the day when things are cleared up, and the true deep feelings in your heart come out that’s what truly matters. If at the end of the day you still can’t stand that person then maybe it is time to move on but if after the fight or misunderstanding is cleared and you see the light at the end of the tunnel, that feeling you feel is the honest truth. Don’t let your emotions trick you into thinking your marriage is over or should be when you are fighting or not communicating. Don’t let yourself start imagining life without the other. Don’t let your emotions pull your marriage further apart. Cool off, think clearly, without judgement, without thinking betrayal at first, try to think as positive as possible to be able to sit down and discuss issues between both of you without going into full blast arguments, insults, and blaming. Talk to a therapist if you can’t do it on your own but don’t give up just because you are so angry and tired. Your emotions aren’t letting you think clearly and it’s best to step outside of the scenario of the problems and looking from inside out as if you were looking at another couple. Try to put on your partners’ shoes and see his/hers point of view to try to understand one another more. Don’t give up too soon!
In conclusion I can’t tell you how many times at the time of anger and feeling disconnected, or disrespected, or anything negative, I have felt wanting to fleet. When we are angry our emotions take over the reality of what is inside our hearts. We let that anger and hurt take over our thoughts, and create new scenarios in our heads of how it could be different, and we forget that we made a promise. We also forget the great qualities and memories we do share with each other. I know it’s hard to admit or try to feel good about your marriage when you are feeling hurt, just take some time to distant yourself from negative thoughts and you will being to think clearer. Then you will realize your world is not going to end nor is your marriage and how real your love is still for your partner.
P.S.- This posting is regarding arguing, and communication issues. Spousal abuse (emotional or physical) is very different and needs to be taken seriously. Please search a support group or therapist if you have an abusive relationship. Your world will not end if your marriage ends. You are your own person, with your own hopes and dreams, you are not anyone’s property and your safety (life) is more important than anything else. A family staying together for the sake of being together is not healthy for anyone.
A great article on what real love is…
Love is a choice.
My wife and I have known each other since high school, but didn’t date until much later. We had only dated a couple of weeks before we realized that we were madly in love and wanted to get married.
I was all for it! I even suggested a spontaneous, immediate wedding in Vegas. (Seriously.) Kim, however, was a bit more practical about the whole thing. She wanted to take time to plan it all out.
I felt deflated. “We’re so different,” I said. “You like to plan, while I like to be spontaneous.”
Kim’s eyes widened. “I can be spontaneous!” she said, hurriedly. “I can totally be spontaneous. You just have to tell me in advance when you want to be spontaneous, and I will write it down in my planner…”
I gave her a strange look. She was totally serious! Clearly, Kim did not understand…
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Great article on the uncanny and fetishism!
Remember how the media presented Roentgen’s discovery of X-rays towards the end of the last century: the idea was that X-rays allow us to see a person who is still alive as if he were already dead, reduced to a mere skeleton (with, of course, the underlying theological notion of vanitas: through the Roentgen apparatus, we see “what we truly are,” in the eyes of eternity…). What we are dealing with here is the negative link between visibility and movement: in terms of its original phenomenological status, movement equals blindness; it blurs the contours of what we perceive: in order for us to perceive the object clearly, it must be frozen – immobility makes a thing visible.
xxxxxxxxxx(Slavoj Zizek, Fetishism and its Vicissitudes)
Item 1: in Bo Widerberg’s Love Lessons (aka All Things Fair), made in Sweden in 1995, a teenage boy has fallen in love with his…
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This morning I woke up wondering why is it that Americans (particular white americans) call their parents by their first names as adults. Coming from a hispanic family, I don’t recall anyone in my family or in other hispanic families calling their parents by their first name. It has always been mami, papi, or some sweet nickname they have had for them. My husband and my sister in-law call their father by their first name. I asked my husband one day why he didn’t call his dad by dad and his response is that his dad pays more attention when he is called by his first name. I personally would feel so weird and disrespectful if I called my mother by her first name. It’s just so foreign to me and cold.
Why is there a difference in families because of our culture? Shouldn’t respect = respect, shouldn’t the ties of being a father and mother last past our adulthood?
Of course our views are different because of our culture differences but how can emotions be affected? Isn’t the relationships between parents and children a worldly thing? We all share the same pattern of being taken care of, meaning we were all babies, we were bottle fed at some point, cared by our parents, and eventually fled the home we were raised in. We all grew our wings and flew away. Well most of us. But why is it that we (hispanics, asians, non-americans) tend to have more of a sense of respect and devotion to our parents? Where and when did the American culture lose this?
The desire to fulfil our parents hopes for us, to give them what they deserve, to want to repay them for all their good deeds to us, a sense of gratification exists in non-american cultures more than in American cultures. Even when it’s regarding our extended family members non-white cultures have strong bonds with their extended family members. Why is there this distance within families in America? How did we get here? I don’t know but perhaps someone can give some input! 🙂
I haven’t heard of Jamie Mc Cartney before until now! He’s pretty awesome!
Another artist that deals with the vagina is Megumi Igarashi!
Pretty insane she was arrested for making art!
My work is a critique of the social and cultural issues surrounding the modification of the female body. Born in Ecuador and raised in South Florida has made me highly aware of the disparities of cultural values. My work is the result of research on the anthropology of sex appeal, learned social behavior and the studies on attraction. Through biological and evolutionary evidence I have found there’s a large amount of similarities between us and animals. Therefore I use animals to parallel our social structures and methods of mating. Like in most societies there’s a ranking system, American culture has place sex appeal on top. I feel through this obsession with the ‘Porn Star’ perfect body we are losing individuality and have created the acceptance of objectification.
In my work I create ink, watercolor and pastel drawings of hybrids of female humans and animals to parallel social behaviors, sexual habits or social ranking. I create scenes of fights, climbing to the top and mating; all showing competition and exposing their large enhanced breasts and butt implants. My work varies in mediums. I’m often inspired by photographs of wild animals such as monkeys, goats, sheep, and fish when I’m reminded of similar behavior traits or physical features we share with them. I’m interested in creating work that is humorous and can translate an awareness of how culture trends are leading to self-evolution by learned behavior (Monkey see, Monkey do). When analyzing this cultural shift from a scientific point you realize that it’s not about self-esteem (like most of the answers that are given by women who get plastic surgery; self-esteem doesn’t exist without the influence of others) but it’s about attracting another mate, reproducing, and creating “better” human traits. It’s ingrained in us to classify certain body parts that associate with fertility, status, and health from our ancestral needs. In reality we don’t change our DNA when we do breast augmentations and butt implants for vanity reasons, therefore are creating a false world that in the end only makes us more materialized and objectified.
I view the cultural trends of breast augmentation, butt implants, and lip enhancements as fake beauty because it’s objectifying women, affecting self-values, and creating a false world. Demeaning stereotypes are also occurring within this cultural shift despite women’s true identities. In my work I switch the roles of animals, creating them also victims of the domino effects of plastic surgery. I would like for people to reflect on how women have become their worst enemies by being part of the Sheeple generation, competing against one another and how the ‘ideal’ porn body image is influencing today and the future. I believe women should value themselves intellectually and not physically because being unique is being beautiful!
Every day is a challenge. Today I sit here wondering why, how, and when did I get here.
Feeling unsatisfied with my work, feeling lost from all the criticism, feeling confused about life decisions……where do you go when you keep getting pushed away from what your hand and mind are telling you to do? Who’s right when it comes to telling you what’s good in art, art scholars, your art friends, your professors, the public? I’m up to the point that i don’t even know what I want to make anymore…everytime I doubt myself and become paralyzed. The urge of making is gone. I’m depleted, and feeling hopeless.
Everyone has their own opinion on what direction “art” is going or should go. What the hell….I just want to make art that makes sense to me, so what it’s too obvious, or objective, or direct. I’m making a statement not a damn puzzle but of course the art scholars what to sit there and stare at the wall with a piece of wood, silicone and hair and say that it has wonder, it can be many things, you can question it.
How do you make work that has a purpose and a statement and create a moment of wonder? Or at least a puzzle so you can stand there and stare and ask….as if an object is going to come out and start talking? My problem is my work is screaming a statement and it’s too quick for others or they just don’t care about the subject. Perhaps it’s the second one. Ok, I get it that no one really will ever care so much about the things that I care about, so how do you merge your passion and interests into art that people will want to collect and admire?
I’m so fed up with what is Art…or should I say High Art. It’s either one way or the other.
Art is like playing the lottery, and so perhaps I will never win.
My night rant on the last week of grad school….
Interesting blog- thoughts on sex appeal and it’s history through advertisements
Everywhere you turn, you see it — advertisements that feature models in seductive poses or racy images that entice customers to purchase the product. Advertisers are increasingly utilizing the theory that “sex sells” in order to promote their products. Why? Because it works.
The link between sex and advertising has been traced back all the way to the beginning of advertising in the 19th century. One of the earliest known advertisements that used sex to sell were trading cards tobacco companies placed into their cigarettes packages. These collectible cards featured women wearing scandalous outfits (for their time) with excessive skin exposure, encouraging men to smoke a specific brand of cigarettes.
However, the use of erotic images in advertising didn’t stop there. Later in the 19th century, Woodbury’s Facial Soap released an advertisement suggesting intimacy between a man and women. With the tag line, “A Skin You Love to Touch,” the…
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