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Nathalia J Calderon

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Nathalia J Calderon

Monthly Archives: August 2014

Good bye for now Facebook!

21 Thursday Aug 2014

Posted by Salty Melons in My life, Social media

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a break, breaking away, dopamine, facebook, friends, habits, obsession, personal, relationships, social media, status updates

facebook

facebook

Yesterday I made the decision to step away from my obsession with Facebook. It was dominating my life, my time, and my attention. I deleted it off from my phone, which I had been attached to like a baby to a pacifier. For those who don’t know text messages and Facebook updates trigger a part in our brains that increases dopamine, creating us addicted to always checking our phones in expectation of new updates.
Dopamine is the chemical our bodies produce when we are rewarded with pleasure and happiness. Like when we purchase a new item for ourselves it also increases dopamine. This occurrence is only a temporary feeling of happiness.
Every morning that I would wake up the first thing I did was check my FB wall. It was more than just an obsession but more a daily habit. A habit I couldn’t break lose from. I don’t know why I felt so in desperate need to scroll down my wall to the last point I remember checking it the night before, as if I was going to miss something. Yes, I live in the country and have no friends here, and yes I miss my friends and family in Florida but does that give me the right to be obsessed with checking my entire wall for updates? Facebook has it’s positive things like providing network opportunities to help save animals or like help raise money for charities but it has also taken away the physical aspect of traditional communication skills like talking on the phone with an old friend, talking face to face, and even texting eachother. Now all we have to do is check our wall and see what our friends and family are up to. I can’t count how many lost hours I have wasted in checking my Facebook wall, I can’t win back those hours either, it’s time I have spent on nothing but just scrolling through, and through and through to see what? Funny videos that are shared like potato chips, or vacation pictures of people I don’t even socialize in person with, or reading quotes that annoy the crap out of me cuz it’s the same shitty shit a girl with a broken heart keeps posting, all not worth it. Instead now if i want to share a picture of my dogs with someone special, I just text it directly to them, or I email them a video. Be more personal, instead of public. What’s the point of having so many friends, if you don’t have any personal experiences with them throughout your day? Don’t be a stranger to your friends, be close and personal, don’t be afraid to pick up the phone and say hello, how are you doing? In life we can either strengthen our relationships and bonds, or let them dissolve into just some faint memories. Pick and chose who you want in your life, who you want to keep close to, because the relationships we have today are the ones that are seeds to the future.

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The benefits of spending time with the Grandparents…can’t say I benefited much.

16 Saturday Aug 2014

Posted by Salty Melons in Family, My life

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Tags

American culture, bonds, death, family, grandchildren, grandparents, hispanic culture, learning, lessons, life, memories, metlife study, relationships

 

Grandma, me, and mami

Grandma, me, and mami

I come from a hard working single mother who had me at the age of 40. My mother an accountant major in Ecuador cleaned houses when we moved to United States. I stayed every day with my grandmother who we lived with. My grandmother wasn’t the nicest lady. She was straight to the point, very blunt, didn’t care if she hurt your feelings, a man hater and was very bossy. My mother since as early as she could work took care of my grandmother. I believe my grandmother only worked once in her lifetime. Not sure how my mother became so independent and a slave to my grandmother but since I was young that’s how it was. My mother an only child, so strong and always yearned for a large family but found herself single and only with me as her only child. She has only shown me love my entire life, she said she didn’t want to be like her mother who was never a loving mother. My grandmother was deprived of love from her early childhood. She was the middle child, both her sisters got to marry the man they chose but my grandmother had an arranged marriage. You can only imagine how horrible she must of felt. I was also told that she did like another boy but she was forced to marry my grandfather. My grandfather was twice her age, he was a telegrapher, didn’t make much. Not sure how much damage he caused but I do know is that as soon as my mother became of age, she took my grandmother away with her and moved away. My mother kinda saved my grandmother from an unhappy marriage and perhaps that’s why she has always been the leader, the provider for both of them.

Anyways, back to my childhood. I don’t recall my grandmother every playing with me, she didn’t like kids, she didn’t really like anyone. She was angry inside and could never seem to find happiness but I do know she loved me and took good care of me. My mom always protected me from her, not that she was abusive but my mom made sure that she would never lay a finger on me. Thank god I was a quite kid, and always kept to myself, and just drew pictures in my alone time. I recall my grandmother piercing my ears, I must of been 4. My mother was outraged but I guess it was ok since I needed earrings. I know my grandmother loved me in her own ways. And when she passed away, my heart did hurt for losing her and not spending enough time with her. I remember her telling me stories of how she helped her cousin get a house after she got a divorce from her husband who use to beat her when he was drunk. My grandmother also seemed to be savior to women who didn’t have a voice. Maybe because she felt she was also strong in her own way and didn’t want other women to be taken advantage of by a man. She somehow got involved with the city and had to fight for her cousin’s rights, I don’t recall so well, it’s kinda a blur but it made me smile that at least she did do some good deeds in her life that I wasn’t aware of. 

My grandmother was born in 1918. She died at age 84 or 85, can’t remember. And I will never forget seeing her pass in hospice. When I stared at her, so lifeless, so bare to the bones, I could see myself in her. I could see my bone structure was like hers and the more I looked at her the more I felt I looked like her more than my own mother. I cried but felt relieved that my mother finally would be free from taking care of her and could now live her life her own way. 

When I was dating my husband his grandmother on his dad side was alive and he’s grandmother on his mother side was alive. When I met them they were both so sweet, so caring, and so different from my grandmother. Both very old and getting to the point of losing their memories, etc. His grandmother had the biggest smile, the warmest heart and from all the stories I hear she was an amazing polish cook! My grandmother was too a good cook but stop cook after the age of 80. I couldn’t understand why my husband had no desire to spend any time with his grandmother or grandfather. A few months ago his grandmother passed away. I went to the memorial service which was filled with so many wonderful stories how this woman was not only their grandmother but their best friend. I cried because through all their stories, I also felt like I had gotten to know her more than I did. I wondered how it must feel to lose someone so special and close like that. It reminded me of some of the ladies on my facebook page that periodically posts how much they miss their nana, etc. My husband’s grandfather is still alive, though he was suppose to pass away last year since he was diagnosed with liver cancer but he’s still kicking and living a healthy life. He lives far from us but if he lived closer I would go visit him very often. He was in WWII and flew one of the most powerful war planes! He’s the sweetest and so caring man! I feel so envious for my husband who had wonderful grandparents but I feel like he doesn’t appreciate their love or existence the way he should. I’m not sure if this is an American thing but I do know that grandparents should be cherished no matter what culture you come from. They have so much history, knowledge, and love for you!

I feel lucky though because all the benefits they say you can earn as a grandchild, I have learn from my mother. She has always been such a wonderful example of a good person, a brave person, who has taught me to be grateful for everything I have in my life, to respect others as I would like to be treated, and to never lose faith. 

According to a September 2012 research by MetLife Mature Market Institute and the nonprofit Generations United, titled The MetLife Study on How Grandparents Share Their Time,Values, and Money, they found 74 percent of respondents provide weekly babysitting services for their grandchildren. These strong relationships and bonds that both grandparents and grandchildren share showed can help provide long term benefits in life for both parties.

Grandparents feel self-worth by staying in touch with grandkids, overall improving their health. The research showed that elders can show valuable lessons to youngsters such as:

EMPATHY: TEACHING THEIR GRANDKIDS TO BE GRATEFUL FOR THE THINGS THEY HAVE AND THE PEOPLE AROUND THEM. This lesson is so valuable in today’s society where we take everything for granted, even our freedom.

FAMILY HISTORY: THEY CAN SHARE STORIES OF FAMILY MEMBERS THROUGH OLD PHOTOS OR WATCHING OLD MOVIES, GIVING OPPORTUNITIES FOR GRANDKIDS TO ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT THEIR OWN FAMILY TREE.

INTERESTS: CHILDREN CAN LEARN NEW SKILLS OR HOBBIES THAT THEIR GRANDPARENTS ARE INTO LIKE WOODWORK, COOKING, GARDENING, AND EVEN SHARE SOME FAMILY RECIPES.

RESPECT: GRANDKIDS WHO GROW UP RESPECTING THEIR GRANDPARENTS WILL TEND TO RESPECT AUTHORITY FIGURES OUTSIDE OF THEIR HOMES, WHICH WILL HELP THEM GROW UP TO BE MORE COURTEOUS AND KIND TO OTHERS. 

Grandparents also benefit from a strong relationships with their grandkids by having companionship in their lives, having new experiences and conversations can help maintain their minds stay sharp and bodies active as they enter their golden years.

Research by MetLife

 

Today I was thinking….

12 Tuesday Aug 2014

Posted by Salty Melons in Uncategorized

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American, comfort zone, culture differences, family, family ties, first name, respect

lionkingThis morning I woke up wondering why is it that Americans (particular white americans) call their parents by their first names as adults. Coming from a hispanic family, I don’t recall anyone in my family or in other hispanic families calling their parents by their first name. It has always been mami, papi, or some sweet nickname they have had for them. My husband and my sister in-law call their father by their first name. I asked my husband one day why he didn’t call his dad by dad and his response is that his dad pays more attention when he is called by his first name. I personally would feel so weird and disrespectful if I called my mother by her first name. It’s just so foreign to me and cold.

Why is there a difference in families because of our culture? Shouldn’t respect = respect, shouldn’t the ties of being a father and mother last past our adulthood?

Of course our views are different because of our culture differences but how can emotions be affected? Isn’t the relationships between parents and children a worldly thing? We all share the same pattern of being taken care of, meaning we were all babies, we were bottle fed at some point, cared by our parents, and eventually fled the home we were raised in. We all grew our wings and flew away. Well most of us. But why is it that we (hispanics, asians, non-americans) tend to have more of a sense of respect and devotion to our parents? Where and when did the American culture lose this? 

The desire to fulfil our parents hopes for us, to give them what they deserve, to want to repay them for all their good deeds to us, a sense of gratification exists in non-american cultures more than in American cultures. Even when it’s regarding our extended family members non-white cultures have strong bonds with their extended family members. Why is there this distance within families in America? How did we get here? I don’t know but perhaps someone can give some input! 🙂

Testosterone and Art!

12 Tuesday Aug 2014

Posted by Salty Melons in Art history

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art, art history, culture movement, testosterone

http://hyperallergic.com/141737/does-less-testosterone-mean-more-art/

“Social tolerance is necessary for effective cultural transmission of technological innovations and other behaviors … [S]hifts in social tolerance can relatively quickly and profoundly change behaviors because they allow individuals to utilize preexisting cognitive abilities in a new set of contexts.”- Study by Robert L. Cieri

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