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Every day is a challenge. Today I sit here wondering why, how, and when did I get here.
Feeling unsatisfied with my work, feeling lost from all the criticism, feeling confused about life decisions……where do you go when you keep getting pushed away from what your hand and mind are telling you to do? Who’s right when it comes to telling you what’s good in art, art scholars, your art friends, your professors, the public? I’m up to the point that i don’t even know what I want to make anymore…everytime I doubt myself and become paralyzed. The urge of making is gone. I’m depleted, and feeling hopeless.

Everyone has their own opinion on what direction “art” is going or should go. What the hell….I just want to make art that makes sense to me, so what it’s too obvious, or objective, or direct. I’m making a statement not a damn puzzle but of course the art scholars what to sit there and stare at the wall with a piece of wood, silicone and hair and say that it has wonder, it can be many things, you can question it.

How do you make work that has a purpose and a statement and create a moment of wonder? Or at least a puzzle so you can stand there and stare and ask….as if an object is going to come out and start talking? My problem is my work is screaming a statement and it’s too quick for others or they just don’t care about the subject. Perhaps it’s the second one. Ok, I get it that no one really will ever care so much about the things that I care about, so how do you merge your passion and interests into art that people will want to collect and admire?

I’m so fed up with what is Art…or should I say High Art. It’s either one way or the other.

Art is like playing the lottery, and so perhaps I will never win.

My night rant on the last week of grad school….